"Terrible," came the reply, "my head's splitting and my back and legs are killing me, and the house is a mess, and the kids are simply driving me crazy."

Very sympathetically the caller said, "Listen, go and lie down, I'll come over right away and cook lunch for you, clean up the house, and take care of the children while you get some rest. By the way, how is Sam?"

"Sam?" the complaining housewife grasped. "I have no husband named Sam."

"My heavens," exclaimed the first woman, "I must have dialed the wrong number."

There was a long pause. "Are you still coming over?" the harried mother asked hopefully.

Positive mothers are critically important to a positive home atmosphere. A cartoon in the Saturday Evening Post showed a young boy about five or six years old talking on the telephone, saying, "Mom is in the hospital, the twins and Roxie, Billy, Sally, the dog, and me and Dad are all home alone."

Mothers are vital to the creation of a positive, warm, home atmosphere. But very often it is hard for mothers to keep a positive attitude in the midst of everyday hassles. In fact I realize that some mothers are so overwhelmed with their jobs these days that grandmothers have taken on the direct role of mothering. And so it is to both grandmothers and mothers that I want to speak today.

It is to hassled mothers and grandmothers that I think God would want to bring a word of encouragement. That word, perhaps surprisingly, comes to us from Proverbs 31:10-31. Hear the Word of God:

She is worth far more than rubies.

and lacks nothing of value.

all the days of her life.

and works with eager hands.

bringing her food from afar.

she provides food for her family

and portions for her servant girls.

out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

her arms are strong for her tasks.

and her lamp does not go out at night.

and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

and extends her hands to the needy.

for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

and supplies the merchants with sashes.

she can laugh at the days to come.

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

her husband also, and he praises her:

but you surpass them all."

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

The first word of encouragement which I think the Lord wants to give to mothers and grandmothers from this passage is that HE CALLS YOU TO WHOLENESS, NOT PERFECTIONISM. The first step to creating a positive attitude in your home is you having a positive attitude yourself.

The wife of noble character is a woman of strength, a woman of substance. However, the Proverbs 31 woman is not a super-woman after whom you should model yourself in every detail. No, the Proverbs 31 woman is a composite picture of what various women must have done in the Israelite culture of the 7^th or 8^th century before Christ. This composite is framed into an ideal picture.

Not only is it not desirable for you to model yourself after the Proverbs 31 woman, it is not possible. There has never lived a woman who could do all of the things that the Proverbs 31 woman is described as doing at a given moment in time. This ideal woman buys fabrics, makes the clothes for her family, buys the food, cooks for her family and servants, she purchases property, plants a vineyard, is involved in trading in the marketplace, performs works of mercy for the poor, makes linens for her household, manages the household, and provides counseling on the side! It makes me tired just thinking about everything she does. That's why I don't think Proverbs 31 is presenting the life of just one woman. Rather it is presenting the life activities of many women in Israelite culture and showing the many avenues of service in which God can uniquely use a woman.

What Proverbs 31 tells you is that the Lord calls you to wholeness. He wants you to discover all of the gifts and talents that he has given you, and begin putting those gifts and talents to work for him.

You should not read this passage and think, "If I am not making clothes for my family, or if I am not working outside the home, or if I don't have this gift or that talent then I am not measuring up to what God wants me to be." That is not what the Lord wants you to take away from this passage. Rather, he wants you to see, through this passage, that there are many different ways that you can serve him.

I believe that this passage teaches that a married woman's primary area or responsibility is in relationship to her husband, just as a husband's primary responsibility in life is to his wife. The Proverbs 31 woman is noted first for being a wife. This doesn't mean that if you aren't married and don't have children that you aren't valued by God. But if you are married, then the first relationship you should spend time developing, after your relationship with God, is your relationship with your husband.

The next priority which this passage outlines for women is their children, if they have them. The Proverbs 31 woman is noted secondarily for being a good mother. Likewise, men should place God as their first priority, their wives second, and their children third.

But the Proverbs 31 woman is also involved in activities which take her beyond the four walls of her home. She sells goods in the marketplace for one thing. But this is clearly a fourth priority for the Proverbs 31 woman. And her work outside of the home is clearly done in support of the home, never to the detriment of it. This is an important reminder for men, as well as women, who work outside the home.

A number of years ago the Census Bureau found that at least 2 million children between the ages of 7 and 13 were taking care of themselves in the hours before and after school when adults in the family could not be at home. According to some estimates, 58% of the mothers of school children were then working outside their homes, and for many children there is no grandma's house to go to, no babysitter available, and no after-school program in town. In Kingston, Rhode Island, an astonishing 50% of the children and youth were wearing keys around their necks. In other words, those children had to care for themselves after school until their parents or parent got home from work.

This ought not to be. Parents need to take back the responsibility for raising their children. At least one parent needs to be home for the children before and after school, especially in their younger years.

So as we seek to use all the gifts which God has given us we need to keep our children as a top priority. As Douglas Gresham, the step-son of C. S. Lewis, said to me one time, "You should make your life decisions according to what you think best for your children. You shouldn't make your decisions according to what you think best for your parents, because they represent the past generation. You shouldn't simply do what is best for yourself, because you represent only the present generation which is quickly passing away. You should do what is best for the future generation-and that is your children."

So I invite you to see Proverbs 31 as a call to wholeness, a call to discover all your gifts and to put them to work for God and for the benefit of others, beginning with your family. But you should not feel like you have to be a perfectionist at everything you set your hand to.

Patricia Gundry, in her book, The Complete Woman, has this to say about perfectionism:

Being a recovering perfectionist myself I can tell you this: perfectionists seek to achieve God's standard of perfection by their own power. Whereas those who have a growing relationship with God through Christ, recognize their sinfulness, as well as God's infinite power and holiness; therefore they depend upon God's Spirit alone to enable them to live lives that are pleasing to him.

The woman who is pursuing wholeness rather than perfectionism would do well to adopt James 1:2-4 as her motto:

Aim for maturity, aim for wholeness, not perfectionism, and God will give you the power to become the woman he designed you to be.

A second piece of good news for mothers and grandmothers in this passage is this: YOU ARE VALUED BY THE LORD.

In 1972 Chase Manhattan Bank estimated the value of a wife and mother at $257.33 per week. Unfortunately, the work week was 99.6 hours and included 12 different jobs in the home. In 1987 Larry Burkett estimated the value of a wife and mother at $303.17 for 102.4 hours per week doing 13 different jobs. And this does not even include some of the tasks of the Proverbs 31 woman such as: investor, social worker, clothing merchant, counselor and teacher. I am sure that since 1987 the monetary value of mothering has gone up, but unfortunately the job description has expanded as well.

The good news is that the Lord values you far more than the world does. That is why he says in his word that you are worth far more than rubies. It is in moments of despair that you need to remember how much the Lord values you.

Jesus said, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" (Matthew 6:26) And he also said, "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." (Luke 12:6-7)

A number of years ago the personal possessions of the Duke and Duchess of Windsor were auctioned off to the general public. You may remember that the Duke of Windsor is the royal title for the former King Edward, who abdicated his throne in order to marry Wallis Simpson, an American divorcee.

Among the items to be auctioned was a piece of their wedding cake. The winning bid for this item was placed by Benjamin Vim. He paid $29,900 for the 50 year old piece of cake.

It's amazing that a plain piece of cake (it wasn't even chocolate) could be worth so much. However, this is not unusual. Ordinary things frequently become valuable when they are owned by a celebrity.

Some time ago, at a Kennedy family auction, many mundane items yielded millions of dollars on the auction block. A small stool that Sotheby's estimated to be worth $150 actually sold for $33,500. JFK's golf clubs went for $750,000. His humidor (worth $800) went for $575,000. A simple tape measure sold for $48,000.

What made these items worth so much? One thing only: they belonged to someone famous. Even the most ordinary possession becomes valuable when it is owned by a celebrity.

You may think of yourself as ordinary. But you too are valuable because of who you belong to. You belong to God.

The Lord owns you. And he loves you so much that when he lost you in slavery to sin, he sent his Son to buy you back by his death. How much more valuable to God can you be than that? If you want to find out how much God values you, ask him to pour out his love in your heart through the Holy Spirit. He will do it.

A third piece of good news for mothers and grandmothers in this passage is that: REAL STRENGTH COMES FROM FEARING THE LORD. Proverbs 31:30 says, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

The word "fear" here does not mean that God wants you to be afraid of him. No, "fear" in this context means reverence for God. It means to have a sense of awe in your relationship with God. Fear of the Lord is a positive thing. As it says in Proverbs 19:23, "The fear of the Lord leads to life: then one rests content, untouched by trouble."

What does a woman who fears the Lord look like in practical terms? My mother has been a great example to me of a woman who fears the Lord. I can remember my mother praying with me by my bedside when I was very young. I remember my mother teaching me to memorize John 3:16. In my mind's eye, I can see my mother in more recent years, sitting up in bed, late in the evening, reading her Bible before going to sleep. Now that she is losing her eyesight she listens to the Bible on tape.

Now I imagine that most Christian mothers struggle with keeping a relationship with the Lord as their top priority. Mother and working woman, Nancy Ortberg, has written:

The strength for creating a positive home atmosphere comes from a relationship of reverence toward God. And the woman who is pursuing such a relationship can connect with God in many ways throughout the day. It may not always be through reading the Bible and through formal prayer. But what counts is reaching out and connecting with God in any way you can.

Finally, this passage teaches us that THE LORD WANTS YOU MOTHERS AND GRANDMOTHERS TO BE PRAISED. Dads and kids can have a big hand in creating a positive home atmosphere. When Dads and kids praise Mom and Grand-mom in the way she deserves it goes a long way to creating the positive atmosphere God wants for our homes.

Proverbs 31:28, 29 and 31 say, "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. ?Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all....Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

I love what evangelist Billy Sunday once said-"Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first."

So at the risk of frightening some let me say this in the presence of all: Mothers and Grandmothers we salute you today and we thank God for you.